You keep track of all my sorrows. you have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8
It's not like that anymore. I'm mostly fine. I can keep my emotions in check for the most part and my days are filled with taking care of my boys. I always miss my girl but the bad days are fewer and fewer. That change has been gradual but it is full of hope for me. I am healing. My pain doesn't have the same hold on me as it used to. I'm learning to give it up to the One who can change my ashes into beauty. It's not easy for me to do, I want to hold on. It sounds weird to want to hold on to pain but I think that as time took Lauren farther from me, it was something that made me feel closer to her, closer to the time that I had her here with me. I don't think that God intended for me to live holding my hurts so close. He wants me to lay them down, trust that he knows and cares, and then choose joy. I am still learning and many times I fail miserably. I'm not sure why God chose this path for my life but I'm following him.
If you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you for he will never fail you. 1 Peter 4:19
He gave me a sky that looked like this last night. I was on my way home from getting groceries, missing my girl and he gave me a pink sky. How awesome is that!?
Who else among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is glorious in holiness like you-so awesome in splendor, performing such wonders? Exodus15:11
I will always miss my firstborn. She made me a mommy and I will always love her. March 15 will come every year and bring with it memories that no mommy should have. We will always have a spot at the cemetery to take care of, as long as we live, that will be part of our lives.